Getting Controversial

I generally stay away from controversy on here, because I really don’t like confrontation. But, I think I might have to break my rule today.

Joe, the kids, and I went out to eat on Saturday evening. While we were waiting for our food, I casually checked Facebook on my cell phone and saw a post from some group about how there is controversy surrounding Beyonce breastfeeding in a restaurant. I think the title was “Beyonce Caught Breastfeeding in Public”. Caught. Like she was doing something wrong. The irony of the situation? This is what I was doing when I read it:

I quickly handed Joe my phone and said, “Please take a picture, I’ll be blogging about this.”

Later that night, I got on the computer and read a few articles about it - and made the mistake of reading the comments at the end of one of them…

That is a pretty good representation of the opinions I’ve seen. When I read the comments similar to that of the second one, it made me so sad and angry… and I even started to question my own actions. Had I done anything to make anyone uncomfortable? Was I oblivious to people around me giving me mean looks for feeding my baby? How many people feel this way? Should I even CARE what these people think? If I waited to leave the house in between feedings, I would never leave, and if I hid in a bathroom every time Jace was hungry when we were out of the house, I might as well pay rent for a stall.

I can somewhat understand why people have conflicting opinions about this. Joe is a plumber, and goes in countless houses every day. He has told me that on more than one occasion, he was discussing something with a customer, and she started breastfeeding mid-sentence. My first reaction is that of a wife. “You mean some woman showed you her boob?!” But then the mother in me, and common sense, quickly took over. “Well I’m sure her baby was hungry. I doubt enticing you with her leaky breast was her goal. Breastfeeding! Yea!”

Personally, I always cover up when I’m not at home. I feel more comfortable doing so. I think it’s a natural reaction to feel shocked with you see a breast in a place you wouldn’t normally. But that is where I feel like common sense has to prevail. Breastfeeding is the most natural act in the world. Breasts have been sexualized in our culture, but their true purpose is to feed babies, and I can assure you that showing off our chest is NOT on our mind when we are unhooking our nursing bra. If it’s not okay for women to breastfeed their children in public, how is it okay for the lady at the table across from you in the restaurant to wear a super low-cut shirt with her cleavage hanging out all over the place?

I know I haven’t said anything that hasn’t been said before, but I needed to vent. Breastfeeding Jace has been a wonderful experience that I want every mother to have if she chooses to. If there wasn’t such a stigma attached, and more women in the public eye breastfed openly, maybe more women would. So, GO BEYONCE!

I’ll leave you with what I posted on Facebook after reading this article…

“Wth? I've nurse Jace at the park, walking around Target, Kroger, the furniture store, the mall, just about every other store in Louisville, sitting on the floor of Summer's kindergarten classroom, at our table at restaurants, at my friends' work, at countless relatives houses, at McDonalds while the kids played, I could go on... when a baby is hungry, they're hungry. I don't understand the comments on this article and I don't understand people's bizarre attitudes about the most natural thing on the planet…”

Mastitis. AKA two days of Hell.

You’ll have to forgive me for my brief hiatus…. Monday morning I woke up feeling pretty worn out, which I attributed to nursing a newborn all night long. By the time I got home from taking Summer to school, my tiredness had progressed to body aches. A few hours later I felt like I had the flu. The right side of my chest was really sore, and when I looked at it, there was a large red spot on the underside. It was the dreaded Mastitis.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of this lovely illness, click here to be enlightened.

Superbowl Sunday

Fever, soreness and pain, aches… I had it all and it was horrible. As soon as I realized what I had, I called my doctor’s office and they said he would call in an antibiotic for me. I was so relieved I didn’t have to go into the office. I was useless that day and the day following it.

As soon as I thought I was feeling better, my fever would come back and go up rapidly to 103, and it would take over an hour to go back down after taking some medicine. I was shaking so badly when the fever was up. The girls kept bringing me blankets to warm me up.

Then when the fever would break, I would start sweating and couldn’t get cooled off for anything. During all this, I had to nurse Jace constantly because it helped the breast that had the mastitis to stay drained. I applied warmth to it as advised with a heating pad, warm washcloth, and then a hot water bottle my dad brought me. I even tried the ol’ cabbage leaf in the bra trick for swelling and engorgement pain, which seemed to help as well.

The blanket doesn’t lie

Joe did what he could, but he had to work a lot so my mom helped me get the girls to and from school, among other things. I don’t know what I would have done without her.

I finally started to feel better Wednesday. I had a doctor appointment to check on my incision and make sure I was healing well, and he checked out the Mastitis as well. He told me to keep it drained, keep applying heat, and finish taking the antibiotics and it should clear up completely. It’s Saturday now and I feel normal, just a tiny bit of redness is left and the clogged ducts from the swelling seem to be clearing out.

My advice to any breastfeeding mama who starts to feel like she’s getting the flu… call your doctor. RUN to the phone. Don’t wait, because the longer you wait, the worse it’s going to get. And may the force be with you.

My Breastfeeding Story

I love the idea of breastfeeding. I think that breast milk is the perfect food for a baby. I think that if everything works out perfectly, a baby should be breastfed until they don't need the nutrition any longer. It is a wonderful, natural bonding experience for both the mother and the baby. But sometimes things do not happen the way we expect them to.

I was 18 years old when I got pregnant with Summer, and 19 when I had her. I was mature for my age and ready to be a mom, but at the same time, I was 19. The idea of breastfeeding made me really uncomfortable. I planned on pumping milk and bottle feeding her, to make sure she still got the best nutrition possible. After she was born, I pumped and pumped but the nurses encouraged me to also supplement with formula until my milk came in. I had a three day labor, suffering from pre-eclampsia (check out the size of my elbow in the picture below!), followed by a c-section. I was in horrible pain, and the pain meds were making me nauseous and really out-of-it. So...I agreed to the supplementation.

I kept pumping, but every other bottle ended up being formula because I was having trouble building up my milk supply. One night, I started to feel very guilty for not breastfeeding. I talked to Joe about it. He supported me either way but understood how I felt. Summer was only a few weeks old at the time, and we decided we would see if I could breastfeed her. She wouldn't latch on, and I felt like crying. I had failed my baby. This natural occurrence, something that is so natural, didn't. After that, my pumping slowly dwindled, until my milk supply was gone, and Summer drank formula for the rest of the year.


When I got pregnant with Camryn, I knew I was going to try breastfeeding her. The guilt I felt for not breastfeeding Summer was something I didn't want to feel again.


When Camryn was born, I tried breastfeeding as soon as we got to our hospital room. She didn't latch on. A few hours later, we tried again. She wasn't hungry. 9 hours later and multiple phone calls from the nurses asking if she had eaten yet, she still wasn't hungry. The nurse called again, and suggested that I just "give her a bottle of formula". I did not give in. A few more hours went by. Camryn finally latched on. It was a wonderful and beautiful experience. A lactation consultant came by and said I was doing everything right and her latch was great. And then the pain started. She was eating every 2 hours and by the third feed, I was in such excruciating pain, my feet would sweat while she ate. It made me want to scream and say really bad words. By the fifth feed, I decided to pump instead. It still hurt like heck and I watched as blood squirted out of my nipple and into the bottle. "Oh that's fine, she can still drink it," the baby nurse said. Right. I called the lactation consultant back and she watched me feed her. "Your position and her latch look just fine. The pain is normal and will lessen with time. Good luck!"

After we went home, I kept breastfeeding, waiting for the excruciating, foot-sweat inducing pain to go away. It never did. One day, I lost it. I burst into tears and said I couldn't do it any more. That day and the next, I gave Camryn formula. The day after that, the guilt set in. It was a Monday and Joe was at work. I woke up that morning, and decided I was going to continue breastfeeding. I breastfed her every 3 hours. The pain was horrible still, but I was doing what was right for her! I was so proud to tell Joe when he came home from work that I had breastfed her all day.

And then, a few days later, the pain was even worse. Again, I lost it. I collapsed on my bed, and Joe came over and asked me what was wrong. "I want to do what is right for her, but it's making me miserable. It's making me resent her. I don't know if I can do this anymore," I told him through tears.

"Sweetheart.... Summer drank formula and she is as healthy as can be. You have tried so hard to breastfeed Camryn. I bet she would rather drink formula and have a happy mom than be breastfed and have you upset and in pain all of the time. That stress isn't good for any of us."

He was right. I hated the idea of giving up. I wanted to do the "right thing". I didn't want to be judged for not breastfeeding. But I had to do what was best for us as a family, so I did. We continued to give Camryn pumped milk that was stored in the freezer for awhile, and after it was gone she got formula.


My girls are as happy, healthy, and smart as can be. While I still wish I could have breastfed them, I know that they still got all the nutrition they needed, and they had a happy mom to go along with it. Some of you are going to think that I could have tried harder. Maybe I could have. At the time, I felt like I was doing the best I could. Now, I wish I could have given it one more day. But the point is, decisions such as this are so very personal. I could never judge another mom for not breastfeeding. If telling my breastfeeding story helps even one person feel better about their own decision, or helps someone think twice about judging another mom for making a choice different than their own, then sharing this will be worth it.