September 6, 2010

Flatulating

My mom grew up in a fartless home. Farts were held in until you were alone, and then released quietly. Any accidental gas passing was ignored. To this day, I don’t think she knows if her parents had properly functioning digestive systems. Sad, right?

Luckily, she came out of that okay, and I was raised in a home where at any given time, hearing a loud, "FFFFPPPPPPFFFFTTTTTT" was normal and accepted by any member of the family. It was freeing, and sometimes, entertaining.

Joe and I have been together for almost 6 years, married for 3. Since I was also raised with manners, and because I really liked him and didn’t want him to know I, too, was gaseous, I held my farts like any lady would for awhile after we started dating. Around Date 12, I started burping. Farting would soon follow, or so I thought…

Date 13 came and went. I was okay with passing gas beside my future husband. He had to know the truth sooner or later, right? I stopped consciously holding in farts and waited for the time to come when I would be exposed as a real human being.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I still had not farted in front of him. It’s not that I had been trying not to… ever since Date 13 I didn’t care at all whether I let one slip or not. I mean really, he saw me POOP on the delivery table! But for whatever reason, my subconscious kept them in when he was around.

I was in the kitchen, making my self an enormous bowl of ice cream. My brother and Joe were playing Xbox in the living room. And then…

18044_269059932913_502132913_3435758_3134870_neditThis image has nothing to do with this post and is being used for visual reference. It is the only image of my backside I could find. Pay no attention to what is taking place in this image, because I have no idea.

It had happened.

“Uhhh… did you just… FART ?” Joe asked.

“I DID!!!”

Wow.”

The end.

He still loves me.

So… what is YOUR gas passing protocol?

15 comments:

-stephanie- said...

Farts make me laugh. Of course I laughed at this post. :oD

My family calls me the burp master. Loud and proud.

Summer said...

Bahahahahah this post made me laugh right out loud! I to tried to hold in my toots until I was alone from the Hubs but during our first year of marriage I was laughing so hard at something it just happened and it made us laugh harder and he still loves me too LOL

xoxo
Summer :0)

EmilytheCreative said...

I seriously laughed out loud at this, too. My first time in front of Kent was totally by accident. We were watching tv and I was sitting the floor and he was laying in the floor with his head right next to my left thigh.. and my tummy rumbled and out it came.. Right. In. His. Face. Niiiice. I was without any shadow of a doubt, completely and totally embarrassed. But it passed (pun sooo intended) and he still loves me, too.

Holly said...

lol I know my hubby is a lot more gassy than me that's for sure!! He'll let one go whenever.

OurLittleBlessingS said...

i could never imagine growing up in a fartless home!!!! I think it was a month or so..i accidentally farted when I was really close to him..i think spooning on the couch! yikes!! he just made a joke about it. and now he can't get me to stop passing gas:) what can i say, i'm a gassy person! lol. and he still loves me.
jess

A Teacher's Wife said...

Growing up we kinda hid & silenty went- LOL. Now who cares- we just say excuse me and thats it! :) LOL. Following from moms blogger club- love to have you follow back!
www.survivingateacherssalary.blogspot.com

Kelsey said...

LOLOL!! So hilarious! As far as my home, ANYTHING goes. We don't even close the doors when we use the potty...not sure why, but it's just the way it always has been. I think I farted in front of my husband on our very first date. He thinks it's disgusting when I do, because he said "girls don't fart.." as he is letting one loose...LOL. My kids will eventually realize it's not ok to fart in public, and realize how gross Mom and Dad are!! I'm just totally comfortable with myself, and know it's natural!!

Mary said...

Oh my word that is too funny! All these years and you finally did it yesterday?? Well congrats! Your marriage will be better than ever now that you can fart anytime you need to. LOL

In our house... Well we don't really have a rule. I am very shy about it (that doesn't mean I don't) but my hubby is not. We do make sure to say excuse me to that's good right? :)

Happy tooting!

Kaileigh said...

Oh man, I tried for so long not to fart in front of my hubby... prob lasted for quite awhile too, but that silence had to break eventually...

Tiffany said...

LMAO! Hilarious! I probably farted in front of Brandon w/in the first few weeks of us being together. We got comfortable very quickly with each other. However, my mom has always told me "ladies don't fart." LOL And honestly I can't say that I've ever heard her fart. Sometimes I think I have, but i'm still not 100% sure. ;) But my dad at least taught us right and let us fart until our hearts content. ;) You got to let it out at some point right, or else we'd all explode!!

Trish said...

We only have one major rule in our house.....

NO FARTING IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!!

That's it my one major household rule. But living as the only female in my house I have to set limits, no?

audrey said...

uhmmmm not to mention while Wes and I were there the other day you let out the MANLIEST farts EVER. Thanksss

clauren said...

LOL love it, he has heard me once while I was in the bathroom and sleeping lol !

clauren said...

ps B lets them go around the kids and trys not to around me bc he doesn't want me to lmao

Brandi said...

LOL this post made me laugh.

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